I'm A First-Time Bidet User

I'm A First-Time Bidet User

A few years ago, I encountered a bidet toilet seat for the first time at my friend's bathroom. I had never used a bidet before. I was vaguely aware they existed, but not how they were used. Some claim that a bidet is more hygienic than toilet paper. Therefore, I thought why not give the thing a try though rolls of toilet paper also were available?


Well, maybe you wanna ask “Um… how do I use the sprayer?” Most online descriptions are frustratingly coy, so I’m going to be a little bit more graphic than that.


I finished my business, pressed the “on” button, and was stunned by a rush of warm water to the needed area. It was amazing! I let the water do its thing for a minute or two - I kind of lost track. The only regret I have is that I didn’t get a bidet sooner. The bidet sprayer I have has a not-inconsiderable amount of force. That’s fantastic, inasmuch as it is pretty effective at removing fecal matter, but I realized there was some potential for discomfort. The first time hurt a little, but it felt like it was cleaning not only my butt but my intestines too. I was amazed and delighted, I just sat there for a minute straight enjoying the first pressure wash in over 20 years.


There is also a learning curve, but you’ll get the hang of it pretty quickly. What I’ve found to do is, after I’m done with pooping, first I position myself - you’ll want to get your butt cheeks spread as far apart as possible; the sprayer can’t clean what it can’t hit. Next, I turn on the bidet. You’re going to need to move your butt a little bit, be sure to actually hit the anus. When that’s done, I turn it off. The bidet nozzles will slide into a cover beneath the toilet seat and appears only when you press the button.


By the way, I often forget to mention the bidet in my bathroom to my guests. So the responses I’ve heard from outside the bathroom have ranged from the more common “ow” and “wtf” to the occasional “motherf***er” and “son of a b***h”. I guess for most of them, their first experience with a bidet was a little more interesting than they’d imagined.


All in all, I love bidet. I don't know how I live without it all these years. My butt is cleaner than it has ever been and I barely use any toilet paper, just a little to dry myself. You shall try one. No more wiping and re-wiping. Compared to just using toilet paper, the bidet leaves you feeling fresh and clean.

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